I grew up with a dad who was blind.
You need to hear the whole story.
Whoa, dad, what are you doing?
Oh, hey, buddy.
Oh, I wish you would've come ten minutes later.
I wanted to surprise you.
By being dead on the floor?
No, with a big-screen TV for you,
and surround sound for me.
You know they have guys who can do this.
Yep, you're looking at one.
Now we just gotta head up to the roof and install the dish.
Roof?
That's right, roof.
Hey. That's dangerous, buddy.
Safety first.
- Whoa! Oh! - Dad!
I'm good.
And that's how we got TV.
My dad never let the fact that he was blind
keep him from doing things a sighted guy could do,
including getting in trouble with a woman.
- Hey. - Me?
- What is your problem? - Depends on who you ask.
Last night when you were on the roof,
I saw you looking in the skylight
in my bathroom. You care to explain yourself?
How about if instead I introduce you to Elvis,
my guide dog?
Wow.
I wish I could see your face.
And I wish I could go back in time.
Both would take miracles.
I assure you I am not a peeping Tom.
I am in fact a peep-less Mel.
Fisher, of course.
Guide Dog Foundation, member of the California bar.
So peeping... bad, stalking... good?
No, I keep getting your mail by mistake.
I'm Allison.
I'm gonna go and get it. I'll be right back.
I'll wait here and be right here.
Careful, don't hit the curb.
- Okay, I know. - Slow down.
Stop. We're here.
Perfect. I'm driving home.
My sister Katie was learning to drive,
and we were all paying the price.
- Hey, dad. - Whoa.
Don't sneak up on a guy like that.
What, did you jump out of the car before it stopped?
I had to get out of there.
I think she's getting worse.
Which one?
Both.
See you on Sunday for dinner, dad.
Okay, love you.
You would not believe the domino effect
bringing someone else their mail would cause.
- Huh. - What?
Nothing.
Now mom did have a habit of misinterpreting gestures.
I think he's waving at me.
Hey, Anthony.
Please scan your first item.
That's what I'm doing, woman.
Please scan your first item.
This is not faster at all.
Allow me.
Wow, you're smooth.
Eight years here.
You learn a thing or two.
Like an attractive woman buying nine lean cuisines...
not that she needs them... is probably divorced.
- Separated. - I'm Gary.
I know... I saw your name tag.
My... my name tag would say "Joyce"
'cause my name is Joyce.
Well, Joyce, technically this is against store policy,
but I'm the manager until Josh gets back.
Wanna have dinner with me Saturday?
Wow.
You've really upped your customer service.
You could get, like, employee of the month
because I really needed this today.
There's this weird flirty thing
between my ex-husband and this wo...
you know what? We'll keep it about us.
- Great. - Okay.
- So that's a yes? - That's a no.
But thank you so much.
That was so nice, I feel so great.
- No, thank you. - Ouch.
Lost to a lean cuisine.
Did you see that?
I just got asked out!
It's too soon to be dating, right?
Yeah, maybe wait till you've been separated a full month.
Yeah, you're right.
Well, I don't know.
I saw dad flirting with someone today.
I mean, if he's doing it, maybe it's not too soon.
Maybe he's got the right idea.
Maybe I should get myself out there.
I mean... tick-tock... not getting any younger, Joyce.
- Am I right? - Well...
I am right, 'cause you know what?
There is no right time.
If I waited for the right time to do things,
I never would have had you.
That came out wrong.
And you came out wrong. You were a breach.
I'm doing it! Hey, Gar!
We're a go for Saturday night.
Shall we say 7:00?
It's not too soon, right?
Henry, let's go!
- Right here, dad. - Holy Moses!
You're like a prius.
I'll get you a bell.
I loved spending time at my dad's apartment.
There was a roof deck, a ping-pong table,
but the greatest amenity...
Was Jenny.
S'up?
Laundry day.
We're gonna crush it.
I, uh, think you dropped your underpants.
How'd that go?
Okay, so then, he just asked.
I know! Unbelievable!
Like, right in the middle of the supermarket.
- I was... - Hey!
Are you telling the girls about what happened yesterday
with me and Gary?
I was actually just talking about me and Anthony.
Oh, he asked you out?
That's awesome!
How great is that?
Speaker.
Is not what we're doing.
That's it.
It's over.
I'm just gonna spend the rest of my life alone.
- Henry, you're 11. - Right.
So, unlike you,
rest of my life is actually a long time.
Dude.
d The way you walk... d
It's like everyone in this family's
got more game than me.
d And did you know d
d the way d
Anyway, Katie's going to the carnival
with that Anthony guy.
Even mom's got a date.
Mom's got a date?
Laundry's done!
You know what? That's fine.
Mom's ready to go on a date?
I think that's great.
So, hey, carnival is in town, right?
Why don't you ask this girl to that?
I would if I could. But what would I say?
You can use anything as a conversation starter, Henry.
You know, you just play to your strengths.
- It's over here. - What are you doing?
With dad, there was always this fine line,
between when you could help
and when he needed to fail on his...
do you need help?
Thing is, I do, I really do.
Right next to it.
And then there's one last one.
- It's Allison, right? - Yes.
And by the way, I am in 308.
If you need anything.
Thank you, that's good to know.
And that's how it's done.
Dad wasn't helpless.
He was blind Fonzie.
Come on, we live in a bachelor pad.
Let's be bachelors.
Truth be told, I was really waiting
more as a courtesy to your mom.
But now that she's going on a date,
I guess we're cleared for take off.
- So you ask out hallway girl. - Jenny.
And I'll ask out Allison.
- Okay. - Right?
I'll never forget that day.
We walked down that hallway with swagger.
And a guide dog.
Nothing could stop us.
Dad, this is Jenny's apartment.
Oh, I thought it was Allison's.
Isn't this 308?
Correction, something could stop us.
- Oh, no! - What?
Laundry woman is hallway girl's mother.
Abort. Abort.
- Coming! - Move, dog, move!
It's not so bad.
So father and son want to date mother and daughter.
Wow. Now that I say that out loud, it is super creepy.
One of us needs to back off and be the bigger man.
Okay, little man,.
Go ahead.
Present your case.
The man is never not a lawyer.
Jenny is the girl of my dreams.
Wow. Strong opening.
And I think it's fair to say
I go above and beyond as a son.
Technically, you were my first guide dog.
Exactly. Therefore, I call dibs on 308.
Ah, the dibs defense.
I did not see that coming.
All right, when does this carnival pack up?
- Sunday. - Okay.
You have until then to ask your girl out.
Should you fail to do so for any reason:
Illness, natural disaster, severe case of the 'fraidy cats,
I will reenter the game.
And if you think I was impressive in the laundry room,
wait till you see me above ground.
So it was on.
I had two days to get Jenny's attention.
d Jenny Jenny Jenny girl d
d come with me to the tilt-a-whirl d
d please come with me to the carnival d
And when it came to girls,
I could always count on my best friend Runyen.
Let me give you my first note.
That is awful.
Katie? Kitty cat?
Where's Katie?
She and Anthony left for the carnival.
She left without telling me?
She was supposed to help me decide what to wear.
And what to say.
And how to be.
You look nice, Joyce.
What do you have, a job interview?
Oh, God!
Oh, it's the blazer.
It was a stupid idea.
I just thought without it,
you would be able to see the panty lines.
- Henry, sweetie. - No.
- Can you see my pan... - Please, I'm begging you...
Oh, it's been 17 years since I've been on a date.
Yeah, but that was with a blind guy.
Right?
It's been like two decades since anyone's ever seen me naked.
I mean, not that sex is even on the table.
Is it on the table?
Isn't it supposed to be on the bed?
You're making it worse.
Okay, that'll be 12.80.
I don't think so.
I counted the clicks on the meter.
30c a click, 15 clicks,
plus the base fare: I believe that is 7.35.
I'm tipping you so that when you tell the story
about the blind bastard, you can't say he was also cheap.
Drive safely!
Forward.
Hello, Mel.
Hello to you.
- Who's this? - Oh, it's Allison.
- How are you? - Impressed!
I just had front-row seats to the Mel show.
You know, I would watch that again
maybe over dinner.
Wow, that's... forward.
Oh! Not you boy.
Oh, you know, I shouldn't have asked.
No, I'm... I'm very glad you did.
Except he had 37 hours left
on that stupid deal he made with his son.
Do you have plans tonight?
I don't. How about Monday?
Mel, if you don't want to go out with me, it's fine.
I really do.
It's... it's just... Come on.
Are you gonna go out with me tonight or not?
I am.
Great, great.
Great.
Oh, man!
Jenny, wait!
- It's me. - Oh, yeah.
- Hey, green underwear. - Classic.
I mean, I'm wearing stripes now.
I have lots of underwear.
Not important.
Oh! Here's an idea.
Do you wanna go to the carnival with me tonight?
Oh, no thanks.
See ya.
Dude, she is hot.
I mean, even when she's rejecting you,
she is hot!
Henry?
Yeah?
Listen, something just happened
and, uh, I feel terrible about it.
Really? Well let me make you feel better.
I just asked the girl of my dreams to the carnival,
and she totally shot me down.
It was like a punch in my heart.
Was your day as bad as that?
It just got a whole lot worse.
Uh, but listen I...
I have to tell ya.
I just ran into Allison.
And an opportunity presented itself,
and... I went for it.
You did?
I know I shouldn't have.
Sure you should have.
You knew it was never gonna happen with me and Jenny.
Thing is...
she shot me down.
She did?
Sometimes a little lie does a lot of good.
Big time.
What is it with the girls in that family?
I know, right? But, you know what?
We're not gonna let it bring us down.
You and I are going to that carnival
and we are gonna have a great time.
- Right now? - Right now.
Go get ready.
If it's fried or comes on a stick, we're eating it tonight.
Hey.
Two hours early.
I... I guess that's better than not showing up.
Actually, I'm two hours early because I'm not showing up.
You're canceling on me?
Wait.
Oh, God, I thought you were gonna slam the door.
Oh, I am.
Right now.
I really got off on the...
- So... - Yeah.
Mom was discovering re-entry into the dating world
can be a bit bumpy.
Where do you work?
I work at the supermarket.
Where we met.
Right.
Having run out of things to talk about,
half a mile into their date,
mom needed a new plan.
Oh-ho-ho! You're on fire!
Katie!
Mom?
Mrs. Fisher?
Hi, you remember Gary.
Uh, hello.
Double date!
You are crashing our date?
I can't do this, all right?
I don't know what to say.
I don't know how to be.
It's been too long since I've been on a date.
I really need you to be our buffer.
I just think that... is that my sweater?
Runyen said it made my ladies go "blaow"!
You wanna do what?
It's fine.
The boy'll line me up.
I just need you to hold my guide dog.
All right.
The only worse idea:
Going on a double date with your daughter.
Then oh, God, Katie! You must have been 11.
No, she was 12, 'cause that's when she got her training bra.
She threw up all over me and everyone on the gravitron.
I'm sorry, what was your question again?
I don't remember.
- Bull's-eye! - Yeah, it is.
Now I've seen everything.
Uh, no offense.
To the left.
It's all you, Sheriff.
Whoo!
Oh, no.
What, did I hit the carny?
No, it's Jenny and her mom.
Okay, be very, very still.
Maybe they won't notice us.
Mel.
Allison, hi.
Henry, will you give us a minute, please?
Hey, I thought you didn't want to go to the carnival.
No, it's just I was already going with my friend.
Is this the boy from your building?
Yeah.
They were talking about me.
No, they were talking about me.
For so many reasons, I'm sorry about what happened earlier.
And that last move, I'm just gonna blame on blindness.
You kinda let your hand linger.
Well, I'm blind, not stupid.
I really do have to apologize.
No, you don't.
I'm looking at my daughter and your son.
Awkward.
And I think I know the reason you needed to cancel earlier.
And why you should probably go right now.
Oh, uh, poor kid.
I'm on it.
I... I do wanna take you to dinner though,
if you're still up for that.
All right, you know where I live.
Oh, and, by the way,
Now we're even.
Girls.
Should we just call it?
I need to go home.
What? No.
Come on, man.
Remember we said we're not gonna let them bring us down.
Besides, I paid for ten shots, I'm taking ten shots.
Henry, come on, how are you not loving this?
Sorry.
Maybe you can get rejected and not feel anything,
but I can't.
I'm glad it's all so easy for you.
You're good.
Henry, not everything's easy for me.
Buddy, listen.
When you told me that mom was going on a date,
I was hurt.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her.
I just... I didn't think she'd be...
Ready so soon.
So, believe me, I... I feel things.
Bull's-eye.
All right, sheriff, one shot left.
Okay, man.
You know what?
Let me try this one by myself.
- I got this. - Okay.
Okay, you're done.
Here's your dog, dude. Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
You should've seen his face.
Yeah, that was the best. What should we shoot next?
You gotta be kidding me?
What is it? Is it a girl?
How many crushes do you have?
Nah, it's this really cool ride.
I didn't think they'd have it, but they do.
You're gonna love it.
It's not scary, is it?
No.
It's like a ferris wheel.
Okay, riders!
Hands up.
Hands up?
Why would we need to...
Then I went from being someone's daughter
to being someone's wife to being someone's mother.
It's just like, where did Joyce go in all of that, you know?
- Yeah. Joyce? - Hmm?
Walk with me for a second.
Hey, what is happening!
Something is wrong with this Ferris wheel!
Ow! What was that?
I think it's a dime!
Ow! Nickel!
This ride is malfunct...
Help below! I am a blind attorney!
Stop this ride!
Joyce, you're very nice.
I love your enthusiasm
and your... height.
But you're a bit of a mess.
What?
If I were at work, I'd say, "clean up on aisle Joyce!"
Anyway,
I think we should just call it a night.
Hey, stop this ride!
My son is very scared.
Whoa. Where did Gary-bear go?
To find us a bicycle built for four?
You're not going to believe this.
Wait, did he leave-leave?
Mom, are you okay?
- Yeah, Gary... - Hey.
Oh, hi.
Um...
He wants us to do the photo booth.
Just the two of us.
Something about "capturing this night."
And he went to go get quarters.
It's okay if we kinda split off and just go our separate ways?
Okay.
But I wanna hear about it after.
Believe me, you will.
Just because dad was done with rides,
didn't mean I was.
Mel?
Joyce? What are you doing here?
I had a meeting.
- Okay. - Carnival meeting.
Okay.
I really don't want to talk about it.
Clean up on aisle Mel.
What?
I thought it was important for me to get out there again,
so I went on a date.
- Yeah, a date. - Hmm.
And since you're bringing it up,
I'm not bringing it up.
It's just I haven't had to look good for someone
for a really long time, you know.
And, like, my body's changed a little.
Like, some of my body parts are just lower than they used to be.
And that got me in my head about everything and...
can't believe I'm talking about this with my ex-husband.
Well, who are you supposed to talk about it with?
The kids?
According to Katie, I am not.
I feel like I'm so much more helpful to her with boys
than she is with me.
Wow, I'm gonna go see what Henry's up to.
Are you thinking about dating?
Absolutely not.
Sometimes a lie can be a good thing...
Joyce.
Even though I can't see,
believe me when I tell you
you're beautiful.
But honesty is the best policy.
Thanks, Mel.
You won!
- Uh-oh. - What?
That's Katie and her date, and she cannot see me alone
or with you.
- Quick, quick, quick, quick. - Where are we going?
Something called "hell-nado."
Long as it's not that crazy ferris wheel.
Oh, God.
Check for loose change!
So I know it started out rough,
but how was your night?
She smiled at me.
Pretty great.
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I thought of a subtle way
for you to let that Jenny girl know how much you like her.
Sometimes having a blind dad sucks.
@abd_aid